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They say it was a heart attack, but

the cause of death was most likely revenge.

Let's examine the facts.

First, he was involved in business with at best unscrupulous characters (one of his associates, while meeting with a young movie producer about financing the film held said producer out of the open door of a cable car hanging hundreds of feet over a mountain side).

Second, he was widely suspected of planting a car bomb that detonated, killing the man inside the car(seemingly).

Third, he was so threatened by reprisals from many unnamed sources that he hired a full time body guard to protect his daughter.

Fourth, while having dinner with his daughter's new boyfriend, who coincidentally (?) was the son of the man in the car cited in the second point above, he pulled a gun under the table, and get this, the boyfriend wasn't a bit goddamn surpised by the whole thing, as he had a gun of his own.

Fifth, when his daughter defied his wishes and decided to marry the boyfriend after no more than three months dating, he arranged for a hit on his new son-in-law.

Sixth, it backfired and he ended up having his own daughter killed, sending the grieving widower off on his motor cycle to parts unknown, only to have him return years later seeking revenge. (The widower later found out that is was all a big misunderstanding, as his dad never died in that car and was, in fact, in witness protection with a new life and family.)

But, even knowing that, the widower must have still been pretty pissed off about his wife being shot like that. Plus he had a long history of drug addiction, so who knows what he might do when hopped up and feeling really depressed and angry one dark lonely night.

So, while his publicist is saying he died of a heart attack, I'm thinking that Dylan finally got to Tony Marchette.

It's all very, very sad.

Who am I? Who am I? I'm Steve Sanders with a cap on. Giddueup!

If I had been in this situation, with a microphone and a camera, this conversation would have likely gone exactly like this. I would like to pretend that I would be cooler than this, but I would geek out exactly this bad. Please pay special attention to  Ben Lyons' reaction when Ian is talking about his unforgivable wardrobe in the episode under discussion.

That's me in the corner.

Let me tell you somethin' Mean Gene

Part two of writing about TV in the writer's strike era. Now that the holidays are over the lack on new programming will start to become apparent. I'm here to request that we all exercise some discipline here. The networks are  preparing to heap upon us a gigantic helping of reality crap.

I'm sending out a personal plea to everyone, everywhere. Please don't watch this shit. If the networks can continue to draw in viewers for this crap, they will be much less likely to end this thing. I would like to suggest the following rules.

1.) If you are regular viewer of a particular reality show, please continue your loyal viewership. For some crazy reason most of this country likes to watch American Idol. Knock yourselves out. I will not be joining you, but that will also be consistent with pre-strike behavior. I will continue to watch survivor.

2.) If you were interested in a reality show and would have watched it regardless of other scripted programming, go on and watch. I will be tuning into American Gladiators. That's just TV gold no matter time nor place.

3.) Tune into the good shit that is on. This probably should have been #1 on the list. The Wire starts it's last season tonight. This is probably the best show to ever be on television and it's fixin' to close up shop. Same can be said of Battlestar Gallactica. It's lined up to start it's last season come April.

4.) Read a book or something. Just stay away from contrived reality bullshit. Do us all a tremendous solid.

What to do when there's no new TV

"Sometimes, there's a man, I won't say a hero, cause what's a hero, but sometimes there's a man, and I'm talkin' about the Dude here, sometimes there's a man who, well, he's the man, for his particular time and place, he fits right in there."

That's pretty much how I felt about this weekend's assignment. Sometimes, there's an assignment that just fits right in there.

As an avid television watcher, go ahead ask around, I watch more TV than anyone who's not being paid to do so, the WGA strike is hitting me pretty hard, or I should say will hit me pretty hard, once I finally catch up on the almost 30 hours of shows on my Tivo. So, short term the strike has been a blessing, as now I have the chance to get caught up on everything. I still have 3 episodes of Heros, 3 of Reaper, 2 of Gossip Girls, 3 of the Unit, 4 of 30 Rock, 3 of My Name is Earl, Battlestar Gallactica Razor, 1 of Chuck, 2 of Boston Legal, 3 or 4 Robot Chickens, 5 of Journeyman, 2 of the Simpsons, and 3 of Pushing Daisies. All this after working very hard to clear the Family Guys that were there and getting that Chuck number down to 1.

So, clearly, in the short term, I am not yet suffering through the dearth of scripted programming that will soon land upon me, forcing me to send my two children out into the cold woods looking for new programming with only a pocket full of bread crumbs to get the home. Right now, I'm doing just fine, say thankyou.

What I will miss most, or what will likely be the biggest pain in my ass, will be the unintended clifhangers. Not having gotten to the end of my shows yet, I can't say which those will be, but being left in the middle of a story will likely irk me something considerable.

To fill the time, I'm watching much more college basketball, which is great (ask my wife and the word great may be replaced with less flattering word, or colorful phrase). It also gives us the time to continue working on series of seasons past. We've been working through Buffy, Angel, and The West Wing, so we've got those lined up. I'm also going to try to hook her on Battlestar Gallactica. I've also had an itch to go back and revisit Sipowic, so NYPD Blue may make an appearance in my Netflix cue.

I'm also going to be avoiding most of the filler reality programming the networks will be putting out there, with two notable exceptions. First, I will continue to watch Survivor, and second, I will be enjoying the hell out of the new Hulk Hogan hosted American Gladiators, because strike or no strike, I've been calling for a return of the gladiators for a while now. Plus, getting to watch the Hulkster cut a promo on some poor civilian should be worth the price of admission.

So many social engagement, so little time.

Not this crap again

This morning as I was fixin' to walk out the door at 7:00, The CBS Early Show came on. Their lead story, a story's coverage that included at least two "experts" and lasted longer than the five minutes I was in the house before I left for work, was about Britney Spears losing custody of her kids.

I've come off my position that this type of stuff isn't news, because clearly people care about it and, for some reason, want to know about it. There are entire programs and numerous website dedicated to celebrity news.

But here's the problem. As there are a number of places to get this type of news coverage, and as there are about a thousand things of more import and more impact on the everyday lives of people, how can this possibly be the lead story on anything, but Extra or TMZ?

It's not important to me whether Britney Spears raises her children or whether Kevin Federline does it. I'm sure they will be equally screwed up regardless of the outcome. The only reason I even remotely care is that if Britney has them we'll only have to hear stories about one of these losers. This way K-Fed is back in the news and I find that objectionable.

So, I'm asking very politely of the network news divisions that set these types of priorities and the producers who put these pieces together. Make this a third hour story. Put it before or after the cooking segment, or around when the travel segment airs. Just please quit leading the broadcast with it.

It makes us all a little dumber. And a lot of us can't afford to get any dumber.

Big Ten Network Opening Weekend

After one weekend I've come down pretty much where I expected to on the Big Ten Network. It's a great idea that will only get better. There was IU football on this weekend, as well as (and this is almost more exciting to me) IU soccer. College soccer is not something that gets much air time, unless it's the college cup. But now, thanks to the Big Ten Network, there is IU soccer on television. This may not excite many people, but it excites me. And I believe that plus all of the other sports that can now be televised will be enough to excite a lot of other people.

The best news, however, for the Big Ten network was that Appalachian State v. Michigan game on Sat. It was the first game on the Big Ten Network and it was a classic. The Big Ten Network needs games like that to fight the argument that the cable networks are putting out there that BTN is only carrying second tier games. I guarantee there were a number of people pretty pissed they could watch that game.

On the negative, I'm not a huge fan of the look of the soccer game. The shots are a little tight, and it doesn't look like an ESPN quality broadcast. It looks more like one of those BET football game productions. The other thing that should get tweaked is the graphics. The screen that listed all the scores for the day was various shades of black and grey. Not easy to read. Easy fix, and I'm sure they'll straighten that out.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with the BTN, and glad I've got Directv so I can watch it.

A great man has died

I know that Jeff is quick to play the "Everything in the world can be tied back to Aaron Spelling" game, but another great behind the scenes television master has died.

Merv Griffin died today at the age of 82. (CNN Story) There aren't any among us who weren't sucked into The Wheel of Fortune mania of the 80's. I remember when my uncle had a friend appear on "The Wheel" and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. Sure, I was 11 or something, but still, there it was.

While The Wheel may seem a bit dated and old, Vanna's graceful maintenance work not withstanding, Merv's other major achievement is timeless. Yes, that's right, Jeopardy. This show alone coined the term for innumerable jokes, situation comedies, and pop culture quips. "In the form of a question, please..."

You can always sit down and watch Jeopardy and be challenged and have fun arguing answers and even the categories themselves with anyone. Oh, and if the sheer coolness of Jeopardy isn't enough, there was even a Golden Girls episode all about it. THAT is cool.

Wow, I've been my wife’s husband for too long, I am publicly admitting that a Golden Girls tie in makes anything cooler. Ahh well, so it goes.

God speed Merv, you entertained us well.

Quote of the year

I was flipping through the channels last night and came across the brand new reality series The Two Coreys starring of course Corey Haim and Corey Feldman.

Based on the mere fact that these two guys are like Todd Bridges on drugs, OK, so I guess that would be just like Todd Bridges, when it comes to child stars gone bonkers I was immediately intrigued. Add to that, Corey Feldman has a SUPER HOT wife. Corey Haim is living with them, and Haim is fat you've got reality gold.

During what I can only assume is one of many fights during this upcoming season. Corey Haim says, "I don't know why [Feldman's wife, Susie] is involved in this at all. You're not part of the Coreys. And you never will be!"

After which he storms out onto the patio.

That's pretty much the most self-involved thing I've ever heard. I love it.

I guess that's just Corey being Corey.

Best Convenience Store Ever

There are certain events that only come along once or twice in a lifetime. Events that one must be sure they are a part. Today I took part in one of those events. I went to Kwik-E-mart. There are 11 7-Elevens across the country that have been turned into full-fledged Kwik-E-Marts. The signage has been changed. Simpsons decorations have been put up and there are products on sale that can be found at a Kwik-E-Mart.

One of these 11 stores is in the Chicago area. It's a few blocks from Midway airport. For those of you who don't know where this is in relation to where I live, it's roughly 120 blocks south, and 40 or so West. Not close, in other words. But, as I had no other plans today I decided to take a drive. I'm sooooo glad I did.

And yes, I took a camera. And, yes, taking pictures inside a 7-Eleven feels a little ridiculous. Hey Wang! What's with the pictures?! It's a parking lot!!

       

Why I should be $500,000 richer

The World Series of Pop Culture 2007 edition began this week. I love watching this show, but every time I watch it, it makes me mad. I should be on this show every year, winning.

I blame my first year's lack of participation on not knowing it existed. This year is Deana's fault. See, she has a job (first mistake) and doesn't live near me (second mistake). She was not able to come to Chicago the weekend they held tryouts, and thus we were not able to find a third person to help us kick the crap out of all these wannabe's.

Deana now owes me money, and also maybe some prozac to level me out after watching this show.