Test Tube

Commitment

We went to see The Dark Knight last night, we didn't get to see it because the power on the whole block went out about ten minutes before it was supposed to start. They had to give out rain checks to everyone in every theater and send us all home. As annoying as it was at least we weren't in the middle of the movie when it happened.

Not the point of this post though. While we were waiting to go into the theater (we were probably 40 people deep in line) a teenager got in line about ten people behind us dressed as Joker.

His friends all arrived and thought he looked pretty bad-ass.

The whole thing made me sad and disappointed in teenagers today and not for the reason you may think.

If you care enough about Batman to get dressed up in full Joker attire how are you not the first guy in line?

You are committed enough to go to walgteens to buy all the stuff, cover your face in the make up and dye your hair, but you aren't committed enough to show up early enough to be near the front of the line?

It's symptomatic of a greater laziness. Kids used to have to drive to different cities, hours away, to sit in line for hours, possibly overnight just to get tickets to see their favorite band, now guys feel it's enough effort just to dress up in character. And your friends are impressed, even though you couldn't leave home 20 minutes earlier to be first in line.

Kids today are pussies.

if I had to call it anything, uh, I would say it's his knee.

This is truly, truly disturbing. A few thoughts come to mind with this.

1.) Who is eating her face and hair. That just gives me the willies.

2.) How do you keep people from going right for the parts that men tend to go for.

3.) How you-centric does your world view have to be to have a life sized wedding cake shaped like you? I'm guessing about 11 sir.

The only possible reason I could think of for what I went through last night

Chicago -
In what can only be described as two sides that are on opposite ends of an issue failing to reach an acceptable compromise, local Walgreens owners and police are at a stand still over the controversial, Less-Smelly-Criminal program instituted in the 9th ward over a year ago.

"It seems like overkill to us. I mean, there are ways we can both be happy here, and they're just kind of being dicks about it, "said a source inside the police department.

The LSC was put in place after years of complaints by local law enforcement about the overwhelming odor emanating from the underarms of suspected criminals. The short of it is that criminals were receiving reduced sentences, or in some cases free passes for lesser offenses if the suspects could produce proof that they possess deodorant.

An unintended consequence of this program was a sudden and startling rise in the left of deodorant from local Walgreens stores. The police were loath to apprehend these criminals as these thefts made their job infinitely more pleasant, but shop owner soon had had enough.

In response to this situation Walgreens owners have put all of their deodorant, except for the aerosol cans behind locked glass. When asked for a comment about why the aerosol cans were left unguarded, the night manager said that there was an error made when the cases were ordered.

Now, if one wants to purchase deodorant from Walgrees, customers must press a little green button which activates an alarm in the store "ASSISTANCE NEEDED IN DEODORANT!" This announcement repeats until an associate with a keys comes and unlocks the case.

Local police have requested that the Walgreens owners rely on their video surveillance system, or at the very least, move the deodorant to the back of the store.

"At this point, we've spent so much money on these cases we're kind of stuck with them. We feel bad that the cops are once again having to deal with these malodorous criminals, but here we are.

If this helps just one person...

As part of my long overdue trip to the grocery store today I stopped into GNC to buy my protein shakes (which my 6th graders refer to as my chorro shake. The even made up a song about it. It was annoying but they aren't wrong about how it looks.) On my way into the store I noticed a sign on window advertising a special service offered at this GNC.

Notary Public

I walked in and the salesperson said,
"How are you today?"
"Fine. Hey, do you get much call for that notary public thing?"
Long confused pause, which I attribute to the fact that not one person has ever asked anyone who works there about their notary service.
"I don't know that we've ever had anyone request it."
"That's pretty much what I thought."

So, if you need a colon cleanser and something notarized, it is your one-stop-shopping lucky day.