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That's Right Tom Cruise

This is either an allegory about how God created the world, then gave us all direct advice about what to do that we ignore without fail, or it's a cartoon about gay unicorns. You be the judge.

A 90 minute cautionary tale

On Tuesday I watched Beer League starring Artie Lange who is currently making the Howard Stern show on Sirius must listen radio, and almost, by itself justifies the purchase of Sirius. I didn't have very high hopes for Beer League as most of Stern's fans pretty much took a shit on it, but they can be ball breakers of epic proportions and I like Artie, so it was worth the Netflix shot.

The Stern fans are mostly right. It's not great. It has some funny moments, but on the whole doesn't get it done. Though I gotta say, the fact that at the end of the movie, the entirely negate the premise of the movie is pretty great.

It's the story of a fat, drunk Italian from Jersey who is in a slow pitch softball league, against the Italian version of Billy Zabka. Because these two guys, and their teams hate each other and get into a brawl during the first game of the season, the town sheriff basically says, that's enough you guys fight too much. Only one of you can play in this league next year. So, whoever wins the league stays, the other is banned. The low stakes are appropriate as it's about all these guys could get themselves up to care about. It's also funny that an entire movie is built around the idea that it's worth telling a story where so little is on the line. After all, how hard would it be to play in a different league?

Artie (and here I'm speaking of the character. I gotta respect anyone who pulls the Tony Danza card and plays a character with the same first name, just to make things easier all around) is a big fat slob. He's a recovering coke addict, who eats too much, drinks too much, and basically has no direction in life. I see no parallels here to the life of Artie Lange, except all of them.

Here's where it's hard to watch this movie. Here's a picture of Artie when he made this movie. He's not exactly Michael Phelps, but still. Here's a picture of Artie now. He's pushing 300 pounds now, and as I watched him run the bases the only thing I could think was, "There's no way he could even run to first now, much all the way around." It sucks a little bit of the funny out of a movie, when you're fairly certain the baby gorilla in the starring role is now 100 pounds heavier, and is, in real life, what happens to people who live the way his character in the movie lives. God, it's sad.

Quick Thought on the Oscars

I missed a good sized chunk of the Oscars last night playing maybe the worst assemblage of people to ever call themselves a basketball team (we won 95-24 and we shouldn't be that much better than anyone), so I didn't see the Tenacious Burgundy musical number but I did see a clip of it this morning. And it lead me to this thought.

Every year the Academy hires someone who is supposed to be funny to host the show. This demonstrates that the Academy realizes the importance of comedy. The symbol for theatre is a comedy and a drama mask, not just a drama mask. Why in God's name is there no recognition for comedy? Some of the greatest movies of all time have been comedies. And some of the greatest performers in the history of film have been comic actors. Just because a movie is funny doesn't mean it shouldn't be in the discussion for Best Picture, or that Sacha Baron Cohen didn't turn in one of the most remarkable performances in any movie this past year.

I know I'm not the first person to bring this up, but not being first does not equal being wrong. Either include comedies in the best picture category or start recognizing them in their own category.

Plus, I for one, would like to see another hour added to the broadcast.

JT

My Prerogative

I was just chatting with Sam and he brought up seeing Pulp Fiction again, and his need to do so. When I first saw this movie I absolutely hated it. I didn't find it particularly funny, thought it was largely violent for the sake of being violent. I liked it's non-linear structure, but that was about it. I've done a complete 180 on this movie. I wouldn't say I love it, or even put it on a list of top-whatever, but I do really like it. It got me to to thinking about other movies I completely misjudged the first time around, and for some reason gave another viewing.

1.) Dr. Strangelove: Or how I learned to Stop Worrying and love the Bomb (1964)
        Man, I couldn't have been more wrong about this one. I chalk this up to youth. I first saw this in high school and I just didn't get it. I thought it was slow, with a couple of funny moments, but that was about it. This is, without a doubt, one of the 5 best movies ever made. Cold-War satire at the heart of the red scare. It takes balls to make a movie accusing everyone involved in both sides of the arms race of sexual dysfunction when most of the world is busy hiding under their school desks and buying fall out shelters in preparation for the nuclear holocaust.

2.) Raising Arizona (1987)
    When i saw this I thought it was just about the dumbest thing ever. I sat there jaw opened and staring at the absolute idiocy that is H.I. McDunnough. What I know now that I didn't know then, was that this movie is just about perfect. The entire story, and just about all of the pertinent characters are introduced in the first 10 minutes, and their all done by voice-over, and (and this part you don't even notice until it happens) all before the opening credits. This also rates very highly on the J. Evans Pritchard scale for what makes a truly great comedy. Y Axis - Holds up to multiptle viewing. X-Axis - Quotability. I can only think of one or tow movies that get a higher overall score than Raising Arizona. BTW, 10 bonus points for correctly identifying Mr. J. Evans Pritchard.

3.) Star Wars Episode i: The Phantom Menace (1999)
    This one goes the other way. I was one of the few people not to completely trash this movie when I first saw it. I was admittedly grading on a curve. I knew that the 20+ years of anticipation had created expectations that no movie could possibly match. I didn't think it was great, but I thought it was fun and worked well enough. I wasn't willing to kill it because it didn't elicit in me the same emotions that the original trilogy did, and still do. But after repeated viewing, this movie is almost unwatchable. Young Anakin is horribly annoying, there are few things as intrinsically dull as trade  disputes. Ben Stein's delivery about the Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act is exactly as exciting as all trade disputes are, and it serves as the lynch-pin of the whole story. Not to mention the pod-racing, which made for a fun video game, but was about as essential to the plot as, well it just wasn't very essential to the plot was it? I apologize to anyone I ever disagreed with about this movie. I hope we can still be friends.

That seems like a good place to start. I'd be interested to see other people's 180s.

Who's that little old man?

I was just reading Sen. Joe Biden's comments about Barrack Obama. This whole thing has been completely blown out  of proportion. He was clearly just comparing Obama to Paul's grandfather.

Of course this implies that Obama is  "A King Mixer" and "Hates Group Unity." I also hear he's been forging  Senators signatures on their photos to sell on e-bay, pointing out to Joe Leiberman that Ted Kennedy's always being taller than him just to spite him, and pretending he's Evan Bayh and taking his invitation to the gambling club.

Still, he's very clean.

JT

So this is what it feels like, when Doves Cry

Through a promotion from AMC Theaters  Laura and I were able to go see Freedom Writers for free on Friday night. This deal is open to all teachers in the U.S. and Canada, through February 1st. I guess the fear is that if it goes through the 2nd people will be able to see it over and over again.

Anyway, I went into this movie with pretty low expectations. I like Swank, especially as she brings Oscar gold to my Aaron Spelling theory. For those who know not of this theory and it's undeniable truth, I'll have to post on that another time. But, I've seen this movie where the pretty white teacher saves the urban youth. Sadly, I premenisce, no "Weird" Al song coming from this movie.

It was meant to be an uplifting tale about how a caring and motivated teacher can reach a group of students about whom others have forgotten. And she does reach these students. Over the course of two years the racial and gang lines that divide these students outside the classroom cease to exist inside room 203.

Here's the problem with this movie. If you're a teacher, it's extraordinarily depressing. What I took from this movie is not that one teacher can make a difference. I know that already, I feel I already do, or else I wouldn't be able to do this job well, nor continue to do it at all. Without giving too much away, and if you don't want to know more about it than I've already written, please go read one of the other wonderfully interesting posts below, in order to reach these kids Mrs. G, has to overcome the resistance of her department chair, the jealousy of her more experienced and tenured colleagues, and a lack of resources.

To do this, she has to, get this, take not one, but two part time jobs during the school year, buy books for her students out of her own pocket. go over the head of her chair and principal to the school board, and oh, yeah, watch her marriage disintegrate and fall apart.

Did you read that last part? In order to do the job that needs to be done to help her students, she has to forfeit her marriage. The message of this movie is, you can help disadvantaged students. You can do truly fantastic things, and help kids as a teacher, if you are willing to take two outside jobs give up your personal life, and lose your marriage. God, that's awful!

This movie ends up being an indictment of the educational system. And it makes me sad.

On another note, this movie was set in 1994, and I did not see one hi-top fade. I realize they were on the way out by then, but still. Here's a wonderful list of people who wore high-top fades. At least one of these students should have had one.

Fades not-with-standing it's a pretty decent movie. Swank does a nice job, and doesn't end up paralyzed, dead, or dating Steve Sanders so that's a plus for her. And this teacher she portrays really did do something wonderful for her students and is continuing to try and do wonderful things for other students, so that is also a plus. I just couldn't shake the sadness I felt at all she had to do just to do her job. I can't think of many other professions where you have to take two outside jobs just so you can do your primary job well.

JT

You know who I don't like

Last night I sat through about 3o minutes of Bowling for Columbine. I had seen this movie before, but it was interesting to see it again.

Re-watching just reinforced my belief that all of Michael Moore's movies are about the same thing. Namely, Michael Moore. As an amusing side note, while my professor was setting up the clip, she must have said half a dozen times, "whether you like Michael Moore or not..." before one really out of touch woman in the front row said "who's Michael Moore?" (I kind of wish I could honestly ask that question.)

My favorite part is when he accosts Dick Clark in his mini-van to imply that because a child-who-took-a-gun-to-school's mom worked at Dick Clark's American Bandstand Dick Clark was somehow responsible for gun violence. I knew this kind of stuff was someone's fault. I thought at first it was Marylin Manson, but Michael Moore told me it wasn't. It's good to know who to blame. I feel much better now.